Welcome To Quarter-Life Crises

This post is long overdue.It is one I know almost all of my friends can relate to.Reason being,its about the menopause of your twenties.It is a rite of passage per-se. Mine came a couple of months ago.I started feeling lost,confused and lonely.I would feel misunderstood,and even changed my Whatsapp status to that,mizunderstood.I often feel like no one gets me,like am all alone.Until two nights ago I was convinced my life is just a waste.
So,I am online late at night as usual as I am a self diagnosed insomniac,I see one of my home girls online and we start catching up, one insomniac to the other,Here is what you should know about this friend of mine in question,lets call her Miss L,she is who I want to be when I grow up,She is young,beautiful,fashion mogul and extraordinaire,running a successful business while in full time employment while also taking a degree in finance.She is twenty three,yeah,pretty amazing.So as we are talking we get to the serious stuff,I tell her how I have been feeling un-motivated in a lot of things,expecting her to whip up a pep talk out of her genius head,she tells me she feels the same way,that is has been lacking motivation for almost everything,that she feels lonely and that like no body gets her,I tell her that it is a phase and that it will come to pass.

Afterwards I lay in bed thinking and that prompted me to do some extensive research on quarter life crises so we can talk about it.
The Urban Online dictionary defines it as the age where the world should be your oyster but is really your inferno.It is the age where you are expected to act ten years older just coz you cleared school or you graduated college.People between the the ages of 20-30 are usually the culprits of this terrible age.

Symptoms include;

1.Feeling confused 23.5 hours in a 24 hour day.
2.Wondering if you will ever get a secure job(I sometimes look at my job especially at night and wonder if I will still be slapping mosquitoes at night till 2050 when the government decided I should retire,smh)If you will ever get a partner who gets you,move out of your parents home,get out of your debt and maliza paying that HELB,find a job that pays the bills(think about those”gigs”you are doing)
3.You wonder when life is going to feel like its supposed to.
4.If you are religious like me your faith is like a roller-coaster, One minute you are yelling at Him the next one you are begging Him for something,you feel like your seat belt is about undone.
5.You feel extremely bored with your social life,parties get noisier(to you),and the same.
6.You feel like everyone is doing better than you.(I always feel left behind, like my peers are out there curing Ebola and am just here watching The Good Wife)
7.You feel like you have not accomplished your dreams,like you never will.
8.You regret some of the decision you made in high school and college,you feel like you should have tried harder or taken certain classes or joined some teams.
9.You feel like some of the advice you got from adults while in school is utter b.s although well intended .You feel like they had no clue of what they were talking about.
10.You feel like going Keter on people half the time,you feel like people wake up with the intention of bossing you around or just pissing you off.

Not to worry,millions of other young people feel the same way.A friend of mine told me that she looks at her cat and envy its life. A lot of people respond to QLC by rushing to landmark decisions,like getting married, quitting their jobs,moving out of parents house or even having kids.Others get depressed and blame others for their so called failures.I researched on how I can cope with this and I hope this suggestions help you too.

How to cope;
1.Realize that a lot of people are going through the same phase,they feel like you do.Take comfort in that.
2.Listen to yourself,pay attention to what interests you,allow yourself to grow to expand and to make mistakes.
3.Take it slow-don’t feel compelled to rush into anything especially any landmark decision,don’t allow an illusion to dictate your life.Remember that life is not a race,who are you competing with and for what?Everyone’s life moves at a different pace.
4.Stay curious-this allows you to remain open to opportunities and stay excited to the new things that will come into your life.
5.Have faith in yourself and in the future.Self doubt will only fuel your QLC.
6.Be true to yourself-always know that what others are doing may not be necessarily be right for you.
7.Its a transition,it is not a permanent phase it will come to pass,so look forward to the future,.
8.Resist OCD(Obsessive Comparison Disorder) like I have said,everyone’s life moves at a different pace,you can not rush the process,don’t compare yourself with others.Do you.

So,there you have it,daktari ashasema,If you are going through it,Id love to hear what your experience has bee like drop a comment in the comment box.
Thank you and keep t real.


Ripped Off

I am mad.No,appalled to no end.Here is why.
So last year when the government was breathing down on our necks asking us to make the digital switch from analogue mode, I as the law abiding citizen I am made the switch.I settled on what appeared to be a popular and cheap service provider at the time.I was happy with my choice since it had good international channels like BET,MTV,CHANEL O,NATGEO,TSN, CNN, ALjazeera and others,and the local content was neat too.I opted for a cheap bouquet of 600 shillings per month.It seemed like a very fair deal at the time.
We waited for the big switch off but it never happened.They is a pending court case that has seen to it that the deadline for the switch off keeps on being post-phoned.Three of the biggest local stations also went off air on our service provider rendering our decoder pretty useless.I decided to stop paying it till the digital migration happened and the local stations came back on air.That was several months ago.Now all we do is watch movies and series and listen to the radio.We do not have a proper aerial as our decoder was acting as the aerial.
Recently our DVD player/radio needed servicing.The house was going to be too quiet, we decided to pay the decoder and be watching t.v before the player came back. Normally,you pay via m-pesa and within minutes the error message on the T.V disappears and the channels are restored.Having not paid for months I assumed it would take a bit of time before coming back but seven hours later after making the payment the T.V was still blank.I checked If I had made the correct payment and realized I had made an error,I had paid for another user since I interchanged the last two digits of my decoder.The only way to make the reversal was by calling customer care.Here is when I started getting mad,how is a customer care line not toll free?How is it a regular number?And that being said,how or why in Gods name do I call and get the automated machine asking me to make options,how or why am I told to hold as am connected to the next available agent as my credit is dwindling?The most annoying part of all this was how my credit kept running out and each time I would call I would have to go through that same process all over again.Once I held until I got an actual human being to talk to me and just as I had started explaining my problem,I ran out of credit and I had to top up and call again,I had to stay on the line for 20 minutes before another person could talk to me and when they came,I had to start all over again since it was a different agent!It’s true what they say about it raining and pouring!
I was duly advised,to launch a formal complaint via email,explaining in detail how I made the error,give the number I meant to make the payment for,give the transaction code for the payment and then request a reversal of the money to my account.hmmmmmm I was going to altogether give up I mean, as it is I had used so much airtime and my levels of frustration were getting harmful and unbearable.I was doing the math,I wanted to give up and make a fresh payment but something told me to not make someones day somewhere by paying for their cable.So I sat down and composed the email including all the codes and numbers, my head was spinning by now.I prayed before sending it that that would be it.
Two days later my T.V had still not been restored.I had to call the customer care line and inquire on when it would be restored since I had done everything they had required of me.This time round I had enough credit and as they wasted my time asking me to stay on the line I kept calm.I informed the guy on the other end my predicament and in painstaking detail expressed my displeasure in the process of getting my money back.He apologized and told me that in minutes my T.V would be restored.And it was…but we would watch it for three hours only before it was disconnected again!Argggh! This was getting annoying by the day,I asked from an agent and he told me I had to send a message and request for a reset!!That text message cost a whopping twenty shillings and wait for it…They did not even reset it.
I decided to send someone to their offices to sort all this crap once ad for all since I was working.I had to ask around for their offices location. My sister was met by A huge queue and had to wait for over an hour to get someone to listen to her.They finally sorted the problem and said it had been a technical error bla bla bla. We enjoyed the viewing for three weeks and they switched it off again this time they needed the monthly fee to be made.I was not feeling it.I don’t even like it,our DVD player had come home and we went back to our movies and series.I decided to pay it only when the local stations came back on air.
Well can you imagine my surprise when two days ago I got a call from them asking me when I was going to make the payment?Pfffft!first of all you do not discontinue offering a service and demand for payment.You call in advance to say you are going to discontinue the service if the payment is not made by a certain date then by the said date if the payment is not made you discontinue the service.Second ,when I needed you fools to call me back to reverse my funds,you didn’t,you kept me waiting on the line as you wasted my credit and time,now you are calling asking for the payment??You are tripping,HARD!Third,it is a written rule that customer care lines should be toll free,I mean as it is am paying for the services why should I pay more to reach you to complain about the services?Fourth that damn automated machine!!!I just cant! When the government finally says it is making the migration you best believe I am not coming back to you fools!I know there will be more and better service providers.Because this is a rip off!

Dear High school Crush

Greetings pretty boy. I know you are doing well,we talked on Sunday.
Next is to thank you for all of the dreams and fantasies I had in 07/08 as it turns out you were my future baby daddy, love of my life and knight in shinning armor
.I know you probably don’t remember but our first meeting was just like in the movies,I was rushing out of form TWO K to get my Agriculture notebook from someone,I bumped into you and my books fell on the corridor.Things in my head happened in slow motion,you and I were bent down staring into each others eyes while you helped me pick my books you handed them to me and went on to ask me if we could hang out,at least that’s how I like to imagine things happened,except that is not so,in normal 16 year old behavior you yelled at me and told me niangalie kwenye naenda.Of course I forgave you after all you were at the time my future husband so how could I not?
Crush,you have no idea how all those Westlife songs I had carefully written in a notebook and sang off-key made sense to me when I thought of us.I watched that Mariah Carey video of we belong together and decided that was us,me getting married to the wrong person and you showing up and rescuing me,we would drive off in your convertible into the sunset and live happily ever after.My mind would wander away during those boring afternoon chemistry lessons and I would just see us talking and laughing.I would see you holding my hand and telling me I was the only girl in the world.Those Danielle Steele novels I was reading in secret showed me the true meaning of “love”.
In all this crush,you never seemed to notice me.To you I never existed.I always wondered if it was because I had shaved my hair.I mean bald girls need love too.You never ever looked at me twice. Funny thing,everyone knew who I was,I was a loud mouth, a noise maker and was always in trouble,you were the only one who never seemed to notice me.
I asked my girl to talk to you and how she tried to let me down easy told me you told her to tell me to go screw myself.From that day on,you would give me those ugly angry eyes.I don’t know what you hated the most my guts or the idea of us.I would see you talking to your boys and laughing and having the time of your life but if our eyes met for half a second,you would be instantly mad for days.I guess I really did disgust you. I nursed my broken heart and our shattered life together and decided to move on,fortunately you changed schools and made things a lot easier for me.I quickly saw past my infatuation and decided you weren’t that cute anyway,I saw your ndengu hair in different light,plus my dear that nickname they gave you,such a turn off.Soon enough a fast talking smart mouth with swag from here to the moons came by and that void was filled.Well I got over that too…anyway…
Imagine my surprise when a “guess who?” text hit me recently.Crush, I gotta give you an E for effort.The same girl I had sent to you in 08 is the one you went to and asked for my number and hunted me down.You tell me you are all grown,and I know you are because six years can do that to a boy.You have been extra nice,seeking my friendship first.I am sorry but that is all you will ever be with me.You are exactly six years late bro.This sweet talk is what I needed to hear when my raging hormones were ruling me,because now,I ain’t about that life son.
I guess am beyond grown now,I don’t know if going to watch a movie is what I need now,nice try though.That cycle is tiring been there done that.


He got older, but never grew,
For his life he can’t tell the truth.
How to love he ain’t got a clue,
Playing games like he’ll never lose you.

Try to talk to him, can’t get through,
Every day he’s a different dude.
These are the signs of a grown ass boy,
Better run for the hills,
I’m just trying to keep it real.

Those are the lyrics of a favorite song of mine,You Cant raise a man by K Michelle.There is irrefutable truth in those words,if he is grown and still acts like a child,only a miracle can change him.Let me tell you all about him before you start dating him,you will thank me.
The online urban dictionary defines a man child as grown man who is very immature other words that describe him are loser,wampler,douchebag,shite face among others.
It is easy to mistake man child’s behavior as charming but no,don’t get it twisted if he has any of the following characteristics then its time to go.

1.He is obsessed with playing video games.
If the man in question is your 14 year old nephew or your little brother and every waking moment of his life is video games then he gets a pass.But if the man sat for his k.c.s.e several years before the Thika Super Highway was constructed but spends all of his free time killing people in video games,or playing fifa,then girl,you have yourself a man child.
A grown man has a life outside his mothers living room or his one roomed cubicle.

2.His mother still does his laundry and his shopping.
This schmuck’s mother still does his laundry?This means she feeds him too,never mind his facial shrub.He is a man who is still a child.He has no idea of his shirt size or even pants.If you gave him money and sent him to a gentleman’s shop to get pants he would come back empty handed. Ladies,don’t hold your breath it will take him a little more time maturing.

3.He is a whiner and is petty.
If everything is a huge deal,his busted cuticles make him go on a one hour rant,or he does not shut up about all the pressure he is under at work or about his annoying boss then you have a man child Hun.Grown people realize that stress is part of life,they do not whine about every single detail of their lives they also realize that they have plenty to be thankful for and they focus on it.A man child is also petty,he will obsess over the tiniest details of a situation,he will make sure the focus of everyone is on the dumb shit he is obsessing over.Run the other direction before he changes your thinking to mirror his childish one.

4.He never apologizes.
It is always someone else’s fault with the man child.It is not his fault you catch him cheating,it is not his fault he drove your car into a ditch notwithstanding the fact that he was high as a kite,its not his fault his house rent is not paid…he never runs of excuses,sorry is not a word he is familiar with. Don’t kid yourself,making excuses for his behavior for he will never change.

5.He is ever broke.
If he takes you to Highlands Restaurant or any other lousy hotel on Tom Mboya street and asks you to split a Ksh 600 bill then its time to move on hun.This man child is super broke,he probably asked his mother for that shinny k you just saw him give to the waiter.He gets money but his irresponsible ways take all of it.This guy is always whatsapping you,he has is in no position to buy credit and call you,his way of cruising through life is buying data bundles for Ksh 20 bob.Give him two weeks,he will be in a jam and will need to burrow some lose cash from you.There is no hope for him girl,single but happy is easier for you.

6.He has serious commitment issues.
A man child only wants to hit it and quit it.If you are looking for anything past a first date then look the other direction,the man child will break up with you even if you are not in a relationship.His issues are so deep he cannot commit himself to saying no.

7.Gadgets define his worth.
It is a guys thing to want flashy complicated gadgets that women folk find mysterious.It is a normal thing actually to want to own the best money can buy.But if someone is broke but the moment he gets a little money rushes to buy that Harley Davidson soft tail while his debts pile from here to Mecca then congratulations,you made the cut,you and thousands of other women are heartbreaks waiting to happen.

8.His social circle gets bigger as he gets older.
For grown people,your social circle gets smaller as you get older,You have no time to hang out all day,you have a job,bills and other responsibilities.The little time you get to hang out is with other people who are like minded to you.You cannot remember the last time you sat at the bar with your high school or college friends.A man child however has all the time,he hangs out from Sunday to Sunday with fellow men children(ha ha)

9.He is abusive.
A man child will abuse you and constantly put you down.Do not be fooled to think that he is not abusive because he has never laid a hand on you,he might be abusing you emotionally by his words and actions.A grown man will make you feel better about yourself,he will never say anything to make you question yourself or your choices,he supports and when he needs to give his opinion about anything he does so respectfully and tactfully.

10.He does not want to meet your friends.
A man child will come up with every excuse in the book to make sure he never meets any of your friends.Is this an indicator that he does not intend to stick around?huh?You think about it.

Don’t ignore the signs,don’t lie to yourself that you can change him,you simply cant because,dear you just cannot raise a man!Give yourself time,you will meet a grown man somewhere!
Tell a friend to tell a friend.


7.36 pm I am sitting in the mat,my second one squashed between what seems like a billion children whose mother has decided ni watoto so halipi kiti…tsk….buzz buzz-my phone the hospital line is calling me,It is actually the nurse in charge asking for the fourteenth time nimefika wapi.I do not feel like answering her,she is just bugging me,am only six minutes late and two minutes away.And do I have to remind her that unlike her who leaves in the hospital servant quarters I take two matatus to work and a motorbike too sometimes?*sigh*

7.42 pm I open the office and flicker the lights on,before I put my hand bag down,a queue of disgruntled people has formed outside my office all convinced that their case is more important and is very much of an emergency.I issue them with the outpatient record cards and direct them to the casualty room where they instantly become the nurses’ headache as they all wheel their patients in the wheelchairs and stretchers at once in the barely enough room.She has a hard time arranging them in order of seriousness of the ailments.Meanwhile I settle down.Arrange the books,switch on the computer,check on the daily reports and make sure I have everything I need.See at night am an all rounded person,I take care of patients records; files and cards,I am the cashier, the secretary,the messenger,the receptionist and sometimes an M-pesa agent.

8.30 pm buzz buzz…the nurse needs my help.They is a patient that needs to be admitted but the doctor does not have any continuations inpatient sheets. Arggghh…that means that I have to go print and make copies at the secretary’s office.It takes me close to thirty minutes just switching the computer on,getting around the maze of passwords and finally making copies from the monstrous photocopier!

9.41 pm people still coming and going making payments and whatever.I am checking my Facebook and charging my phone.This place is cold.I head down to the maternity where the doctors common room is for tea.I sit there taking my tea while listening to women grunting in pain in the labor ward.Child birth is no joke people.Think shitting a melon.

10.20 pm buzz buzz…the nurse needs me back at my office.New patients who need cards and two who need to be admitted.One of them is an assault case beaten to soft pulp cannot utter a single word.Admitting a patient is a long ass process.The hospital requires loads of information:a patients entire family tree,religion affiliations,home county,district etc You have not seen a hard day until you have asked someone the name of their county and they tell you Muguga or Banana!I finish admitting them and think I will have a minute of silence but that is too much to ask for.

10.40 pm the nurse is swamped by work.A drunk guy was brought in unconscious the relatives claiming that it is unlike him to get that wasted. Alcohol poisoning.We all think.The doctor checks him out and certifies his death.Gasps and loud screams fill the room as the morgue guy comes in with his stretcher ready to take him away.(He is a very creepy guy by the way,I have never seen a guy who gets this excited while he sees a dead person)

11.15 pm the maternity nurses need me to go admit new-born babies to the new-born unit (NBU)because they were born with a few complications here and there like born prematurely and with very low birth weight(less that 1600 grams) and others that are beyond my comprehension.The NBU is the most sensitive place in the entire maternity ward since new borns are very vulnerable and susceptible to infections.You have to take your shoes off before entering,sanitize your hand before touching the babies and put on a gown on top of your clothes.The babies are so fragile,its humbling.

11.45 pm more patients coming in.A re-admission,meaning delving into the millions of files to get an old file.I get sent on an errand to the general ward(the place I hate the most in the hospital)The smell of medication,antiseptic,patients urine and other unpleasant things takes my breath away every time(and not in a good way at all).Before I can settle,I get sent to take a pint of blood from the laboratory to the general ward.Blood sickens me,literally.

12.05 a.m my head feels heavy.The cold is tearing through my layers of sweaters.The caffeine I had taken earlier is wearing off.Before I decided to lay down for a few minutes a bunch of people show up and I have to issue cards and wait for them to see the doctor to charge them for the services they will receive.Several of them are assault cases that need stitches…GREAT!

1.30 a.m I have been warding the sleep off by watching a series while i wait on the doctor to finish stitching up the guys who were brought in.They finally pay and leave.I decided to lay my head down but the loud wails of an ambulance fixates me on my seat.Another patient brought in from a health center who needs further consolations.More cards and files have to be filled.

2.17 a.m a certain calmness engulfs the hospital.We all decided to lay down and wait for the next round of madness.

3.09 a.m A loud knock on my window jolts me awake.New patients,a child with a crazy fever and convulsions.Another admission.takes about thirty minutes.My body is weak,am yawning on replay!

4.10 a.m The calm returns.I fall asleep.I dream am home in my warm bed.I dream my bank account is overflowing,that I never have to…

6.00 a.m My alarm wakes me cuts my dreams short.I have to tally the cards and file and get ready to go home.

7.30 a.m which way,gym or home?


Last month I got very close to the cliff-too close.I was ready to jump.I was hanging there staring at the other side,the dark one.I went through a break up,I thought I had found the one but in the end he was just one.I am not one to sit mopping around wallowing in self-pity going through the what ifs but after  that I was becoming the one person I swore I would never become.Of course I would follow my mantra in life,to dress up,show up and smile but when I was alone the questions and the what could have beens would bombard me.I would question my decision for calling it off, feeling like i jumped the gun,i started thinking that my reasons for ending it were after all trifle,petty and childish.i would chide myself telling myself that  i would never get a good thing.i stopped smiling as much and those close to me told me I was angry all the time.I was a real bitch.

Then I met Kevin and everything I was dealing with became a drop  of red ink in an ocean of whiteness.

A friend of mine asked me to take her to see Kevin,in juvenile remand.She told me he is fifteen a form one student who just moved from his rural home in Molo where he was staying with his grandmother to come stay with his mother in Kawangware.He is not  a badly behaved teen,at all,yet in remand does not make sense,right?Kevin is in with false charges,defilement of a three-year old girl who happens to be the neighbors child.So this is what went down.Kevin came to live with his mother on a Sunday,started school on Monday and on Friday he was in jail!The neighbor wanted to rush somewhere so he asked Kevin to babysit for him,as Kevin was home taking care of his brother who is seven years old,and has cerebral palsy.When the neighbor came back she said that the baby had been defiled,she took her to the hospital where the doctor confirmed that indeed the baby was defiled but that was not a fresh incident,it had happened at least two months before.That did not stop her from having Kevin arrested and  locked up.

Kevin denied the charges in court but he still had to go to remand to allow investigations to be carried out,That is how I got to meet him.When I heard that story I pictured him as a big ferocious teen strong and mean.I was shocked when  he was called and asked to  join us at the waiting bay.My baby brother Ian who just turned eleven is way bigger than Kevin.He is short and really tiny,he is so thin and looks a little over ten,He does not look like he has it in him to hurt a fly.He has the most gentle eyes and the most kind voice his personality brought tears in my eyes.His plight was so heartbreaking.He was so strong and kept telling us to stop crying that he was okay,that it would get better.I did not see how all that would get better.A well-wisher had gotten him a lawyer who was representing him.He had petitioned the judge for a bail,and it had been set at a hundred thousand which was too high.Kevin’s mother is a casual laborer,she lives in Kawangare in a  single dilapidated room with Kevin,his brother David and a baby she had after Kevin was arrested.It was impossible to raise that kind of money for his bail.The judge was petitioned to lower it to a reasonable amount.He did,a well wisher offered to pay it.But Kevin would still not go free,there was a hitch somewhere,see the accuser was still leaving where she was before the whole thing happened,so it was conflicting.Kevin’s probation officer had to look for somewhere for Kevin to stay seeing he could not go home.While all this was going on Kevin’s younger brother,the one with cerebral palsy died.

It was hard to understand what people mean with,”it will get better,it cannot get worse than that” because for Kevin everything that could go wrong went really wrong.He was devastated,when He heard the news he  wailed like you have never seen or heard  the poor child was breaking everybody’s heart.Can you imagine how he felt at the time?How sad,alone angry and confused he was?

He knows by and large what hard life is.He went from an innocent teenager to a hardcore adult in one bus.He had to got to his brothers funeral accompanied by a guard you would think he is a bad hardened criminal.He might be set free if things at home change but this will probably be the hardest thing he will ever have to deal with. He will still be required to go to court until he is cleared,and catch up with his studies.

My point is,I quickly got over my issues,I realized that here are people with real issues,issues that they did nothing to deserve,that the worst has happened to others. Every time even a whim of self pity engulfs me I remember
Kevin and what he has had to deal with so I brush it off dress up,show up and smile!

Try it too,it always works!









His Demons

He has it going on – obviously.A beautiful family,two children,an amazing wife a house in the suburbs,and a lucrative well-paying job in the medical field.He drives a good car and gets by just fine with people,even his juniors.He is a man of  moderate habits,five cigarettes a day,and a non drinker,supports Man-U religiously never misses a match.
He is a social person with an amazingly bubbly personality.But a close onlooker will tell you he has no one in his inner circle.He covers this with being nice to everyone but never too nice.
He is a decent human being in general,of course he has tried to step out on his wife or even succeeded who knows at this point.He sleeps in his house every night,never stays out late,yet he  is never there to help the kids with home work.His  wife says that he has not been intimate with her since their last child who happens to be 5 years old.Counselling has not been very helpful,or the sexy lingerie she adorns to help the situation.He pays all the bills around the house,he  is a great provider materially for his family.He gets from work every evening,parks in the garage,and does not come out for close to two hours when he gets out he goes straight to bed.In the morning,before getting ready for work,he goes to his car for a whole hour,to do what you might ask,after lots of fights with the wife about that annoying habit,he told her that all he does in there is listen to the radio.Of course she did not buy that for a second.She  bought a huge stereo but he still prefers his car radio.
His old photos tell a  clear tale.He used to be really cliche-tall dark and handsome.He still is tall but five shades darker his luster is gone.
He has a demon.A huge one,it has turned him into a former shadow of himself.Her little cute daughter just started walking and according to his wife he does not seem to know.He is uninterested in the affairs or fairing of his family.She has tried to leave him but the kids love their daddy and her heart tells her to stay and fix what is wrong.See,he  has not always been like this,she fell in love with a smart guy,who loved her,and a perfect gentleman.He was in love with the kids till baby number two happened.He changed,he started loving his car more than the family.

His temper is quicker than is used to be,his wife has been on the receiving end of it one too many times.

I am sure you are now puzzled,the man does not drink,is not having an affair,his wife has not cheated or anything that would break them like that.He has a good job,he is responsible yet something is just wrong.His problem is not the car,it is what is in the car.It is what he has been sniffing twice a day for the last five years.Its the crushed aspirin,diazepam or whatever.Its his long hand that picks extra ones at his job.It is his lab coat pockets. It.It is his demon,it has gotten everywhere,it is even in his marriage bed in form of erectile dysfunction.The problem is not his voluptuous wife’s lingerie,and no it’s not the baby flab.He likes his daughter,he sure would love to sit and watch her trot her chubby little feet but he cant.Guilt eats his flesh like corrosive acid would.It tears him p,so much he can not go to his son’s school for the parents meeting

He used to tell himself that it was not a problem,”I can stop anytime I want to”,he forgot the old adage that the heart is treacherous.His work is his dealer.He has wasted five of his years on that habit,He is hooked,He drove himself to rehab one day but he could not get out of his car,after two agonizing hour he simply drove off.

How can such a man be helped?