This post is long overdue.It is one I know almost all of my friends can relate to.Reason being,its about the menopause of your twenties.It is a rite of passage per-se. Mine came a couple of months ago.I started feeling lost,confused and lonely.I would feel misunderstood,and even changed my Whatsapp status to that,mizunderstood.I often feel like no one gets me,like am all alone.Until two nights ago I was convinced my life is just a waste.
So,I am online late at night as usual as I am a self diagnosed insomniac,I see one of my home girls online and we start catching up, one insomniac to the other,Here is what you should know about this friend of mine in question,lets call her Miss L,she is who I want to be when I grow up,She is young,beautiful,fashion mogul and extraordinaire,running a successful business while in full time employment while also taking a degree in finance.She is twenty three,yeah,pretty amazing.So as we are talking we get to the serious stuff,I tell her how I have been feeling un-motivated in a lot of things,expecting her to whip up a pep talk out of her genius head,she tells me she feels the same way,that is has been lacking motivation for almost everything,that she feels lonely and that like no body gets her,I tell her that it is a phase and that it will come to pass.
Afterwards I lay in bed thinking and that prompted me to do some extensive research on quarter life crises so we can talk about it.
The Urban Online dictionary defines it as the age where the world should be your oyster but is really your inferno.It is the age where you are expected to act ten years older just coz you cleared school or you graduated college.People between the the ages of 20-30 are usually the culprits of this terrible age.
1.Feeling confused 23.5 hours in a 24 hour day.
2.Wondering if you will ever get a secure job(I sometimes look at my job especially at night and wonder if I will still be slapping mosquitoes at night till 2050 when the government decided I should retire,smh)If you will ever get a partner who gets you,move out of your parents home,get out of your debt and maliza paying that HELB,find a job that pays the bills(think about those”gigs”you are doing)
3.You wonder when life is going to feel like its supposed to.
4.If you are religious like me your faith is like a roller-coaster, One minute you are yelling at Him the next one you are begging Him for something,you feel like your seat belt is about undone.
5.You feel extremely bored with your social life,parties get noisier(to you),and the same.
6.You feel like everyone is doing better than you.(I always feel left behind, like my peers are out there curing Ebola and am just here watching The Good Wife)
7.You feel like you have not accomplished your dreams,like you never will.
8.You regret some of the decision you made in high school and college,you feel like you should have tried harder or taken certain classes or joined some teams.
9.You feel like some of the advice you got from adults while in school is utter b.s although well intended .You feel like they had no clue of what they were talking about.
10.You feel like going Keter on people half the time,you feel like people wake up with the intention of bossing you around or just pissing you off.
Not to worry,millions of other young people feel the same way.A friend of mine told me that she looks at her cat and envy its life. A lot of people respond to QLC by rushing to landmark decisions,like getting married, quitting their jobs,moving out of parents house or even having kids.Others get depressed and blame others for their so called failures.I researched on how I can cope with this and I hope this suggestions help you too.
How to cope;
1.Realize that a lot of people are going through the same phase,they feel like you do.Take comfort in that.
2.Listen to yourself,pay attention to what interests you,allow yourself to grow to expand and to make mistakes.
3.Take it slow-don’t feel compelled to rush into anything especially any landmark decision,don’t allow an illusion to dictate your life.Remember that life is not a race,who are you competing with and for what?Everyone’s life moves at a different pace.
4.Stay curious-this allows you to remain open to opportunities and stay excited to the new things that will come into your life.
5.Have faith in yourself and in the future.Self doubt will only fuel your QLC.
6.Be true to yourself-always know that what others are doing may not be necessarily be right for you.
7.Its a transition,it is not a permanent phase it will come to pass,so look forward to the future,.
8.Resist OCD(Obsessive Comparison Disorder) like I have said,everyone’s life moves at a different pace,you can not rush the process,don’t compare yourself with others.Do you.
So,there you have it,daktari ashasema,If you are going through it,Id love to hear what your experience has bee like drop a comment in the comment box.
Thank you and keep t real.