The Lift

I literally had to roll up my sleeves to start writing this post.I have been very lazy,I have had very pleasant experiences to write about,and I do mean really pleasant.But that can wait.I gotta tell you about the lift.

I happen to work with my childhood best friend and cousin.She is still my very good friend,my number one cheer leader but the mother of all dumb ideas.She thinks i spend my money recklessly. Therefore she has appointed herself to always point me in any direction that will make me save money.She calls me out if I try to buy anything that exceeds five hundred bob,it doesn’t matter if its an LCD 42 inch t.v set!That is expensive!The other day,as we were coming from work we met with a guy selling bed sheets,four pieces for a thousand bob,I kid you not,she hustled him till he agreed to sell them to me at four hundred bob.She does not believe in walking in a supermarket to buy a fridge or a cooker or anything for that matter,she always know of a guy who will offer her the same package for less.That is Suzy for you,am not ashamed to say that even though I have gone through more crap than her,she is more street wise than me.

With all of her street smartness,she sometimes makes me do some dumb things.Like the other day,she had a “brilliant plan” that would save us two hundred bob every day for a week.All we needed to do was wait for this guy who has a car and is from our hood and hitch a ride with him,he is a doctor,so we had to wait for him to finish his shift.I hate looking like a beggar,so I was not feeling this idea.She convinced me though,she told me that unlike matatus this ride was gonna be express meaning we would get home in half the time,we would not have to pay fare and plus we would listen to our choice of music on our way home.I agreed albeit half halfheartedly.

Day one,we get to the car,I take the back seat,she takes the passenger one.She and the owner of the ride have known each other longer so they have storos,I sit quietly and start replying to texts.The music I was promised is a bongo flava dj mix,also right.This guy is a terrible driver,he cant see anything beyond his wind shield,so the drive is marked with crazy and instant brakes,  *thank God for seat belts*  hooting and some obscenities being hurled at fellow motorist.This guy is from Meru so his blood has the tendency of boiling faster and getting hotter than Hell’s kitchen.When we are almost getting home,he stops the car and tells us that our lift ends there,we have to take a jav to complete our journey.I am like,ehh  I know you gave us this lift out of the goodness of your heart but this is no way to show kindness,please get us home.He is not having it,his Meru roots are never far from him,I see him about to lose his patience,I open the door angrily and step out. Suzy thanks him.Am still mad,am still making noise at his queer  behavior,she tells me t shut up,his wife does not allow him to carry any ladies in the car,*you are allowed to laugh*.Okay I am not even gonna go in to that.WTFH?

Day two,I refuse to get the damn lift that leaves you two stops away. Suzy reasons with me,she tells me to save that money for some shoe,she tells me a load of crap about saving and all.I give in*yeah,am stupid,I know.*.We get in the car and the guy is in a really sour mood he is not even talking.He switches off his awful music and we ride in silence.We set on lone road that is a shortcut to the high way.The car starts sputtering nosily and all sorts of red lights are going off on the dash board,his tank is empty.Damn!We are at least 25 blocks form the next fuel station and the road we are in isn’t exactly safe.He asks us to get out and help push the damn car.In our heels,we do so.I am so pissed off,I start doing some mental math,had I taken a mat,I would be at home,I would have showered,and now i’d be getting ready for Tujuane!.We push and push for five minutes,we are still far from the highway At this point I am convinced we are gonna sleep there.Mind you,very few cars use this road and there are no mats. Kwisha. Fortunately,a boda boda guy passes by,we stop him and after a quick meeting we agree to have Suzy go with him and get fuel.Meru guy asks us to changa for the fuel he says he does not have enough cash on him.We changa a thousand and decide she gets fuel for seven hundred bob and pays the motorcycle guy with the rest *knowing her,she probably hustled him and ended up paying even lesser*.We get in the car and wait for her,I decide to engage the guy in conversation but apparently guys cant multitask,he is busy texting,We wait for almost  thirty minutes she comes back and we resume with our journey its now almost 8.30 pm am bored and tired I just wanna get home and watch Tujuane.Can you imagine how furious I am when he stops the car two stops away and asks us to take a jav to complete our journey?!I was livid!Didn’t i just help push this car?The fuel?I just gave out my fare for two days!

We got home,I was still mad,I was done with lifts!

Day three,at the gate,as we are waiting for a jav,the car pulls out of the gate!I totally ignore it,but the guy stops to say hi to Suzy he tells her to get in,he calls me,he does not even know my name,he calls me Rahab!Really?He tells me to get in.he says he will drop us home.The wife is out of town,silly dumb me agrees to get in.There is a lady holding a baby waiting for a mat too,she asks for a lift too.She joins me at the back,She had come to the hospital to seek treatment for her baby.She forgot to come with a different set of clothes for the baby so the baby is grossly covered in her own puke,the smell is nauseating!I love babies but that particular baby almost has me changing my mind,I can’t open the window coz of the wind blowing on to the sick baby! The baby decides she hates life and starts wailing,she does not want to be breastfed,she just wants to cry!!Who does that?

That was the last time I was gonna ever accept a lift!

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14 thoughts on “The Lift

  1. hahaha! am still laughing. a minor correction here
    >had I taken a mat,I would
    be at least halfway* home,I would have
    showered*,and now i’d be getting ready for
    Tujuane!.< activities are not flowing sequentially.

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