A REVIEW AND A CON STORY

I recently read an awesome book called second nature.I got it from a friend who said that I needed to read it because the protagonist reminded him of me.So I had  to read it.When I got it,I wont lie,I did not like it.It was old,hard cover old,It was first published in the fifties.Now I wondered how that book could remind anyone of me.I did not touch it for a whole month till my friend texted me and told he wanted it back.I decided it would be rude to return it without reading it.So I decided to start reading it,it was after all just two hundred and eighty pages.I must apologize for judging it by its cover,it turned out to be  one of the most interesting and thrilling reads I have had in a long time.Its about a girl who is trying to write a book in the summer.She is at the prime of  her adolescent years,shes is adored by her friends and loved by her family.She is a very witty teen,older than her years I might add,She talks about her friend Eloise who in the begining of the book is pinning over lost love.She is a pretty girl but her pessimism is depressing for lack of a better word.She refuses to date or even keep alot of friends.She and the protagonist whose name is Annie get along just fine anyway.But in a twist of events,Eloise gets the happy ending as she and ends up with a pre med student Annie had met while working at a vets office,and Annie is crushed she  was very much in love with the guy.I am not very good at book reviews,I have actually never reviewed anything before.I must say this though,I picked a phrase from the book and if you hear me drop it in conversations,that’s whats up.Its actually an insult,telling someone that they are very lazy intellectually,especially people who cant hold conversations 🙂 I see you trying to hit me with a shoe so Iv dropped it.

Anyway,moving on.Am sure you have  heard the cliche if the deal is too good think twice,you probably saw a sticker in a jav reading the same.If my friend Jill had ever heard of it,she never stopped to think of it at all.She is a very aggressive person with big dreams,she wants to do big things with her life.She once told me that she will be a billionaire by the time she hits 30.I support her dreams but I always try to make her face reality,I tell her that they is nothing wrong with starting from the bottom and slowly climbing up.You gotta start from somewhere girl,billionaires don’t grow on tress,I cannot tell you how many times I have told her that.That is probably the reason she decided not to inform me when she met struck “a gold mine”.

A lady approached her and told her that she likes helping young people.Her husband works in a prestigious hotel that hosts tourists and foreigners as a valet.He gets lots of tips but inform of foreign currency,that is dollars Euros and pounds.He is a very busy man and she too is busy they therefore needed a person to run their bank errands,that is go change the currency into local ones,and get 20% in  every single note she changed.She was ecstatic that was easy money right there.She jumped on the offer and made her 8k in three days.The next deal was gonna be even bigger and better.She was going to make around 100Gs.The lady and her husband just needed   something to hold hostage to be sure that when Jill made she would not turn on them.They needed fifty thousand shillings,this is where Jill was supposed to be suspicious but she didn’t.She went home,took out her savings,sold some of her stuff and even took a tiny loan from a friend.She took the money and got the dollars euros and pounds,converted to Kenyan shillings she would her a total  of five hundred thousand shillings and after converting it she was entitled to close to a hundred GS.Young naive moron was happy.The lady and her a husband advised her and told her to be very careful.They had met at The Mug along Ngong road at the prestige plaza,Jill leaves at Kikuyu,she wanted to go home and make the exchange the following day.They told her not not use the Kawangware route since it would be not only unsafe but likely to have the usual traffic jam.She decided to go to town and take a jav from there.

She alighted the jav and as son as she alighted,these two gentlemen dressed in elegant suits told her to hand over the loot.She was like,are you kidding me?She wanted to break into a run but the barrel of a gun jabbing on her  rib cage was no joke.She decided it was not worth it,she handed the loot to the gentleman.

She stood in the middle of the road her hands clasped behind her head calling serikali!The lady and her husband also disappeared into thin air!She never actually knew what hotel the guy worked in she had no way of tracking them.Her fifty GS were gone.All she is saying this days is if the deal is too good,think very hard!

The Scare

I usually tell myself that i can deal with anything apart from sickness.I have never been sick,you know seriously sick like admitted in the hospital sick.I get the usual cold,which is sorted in a week with over the counter medication.The only time in my adulthood I had to see a doctor was a few years ago when I had tonsils.Well until today.
I started scratching my back on Sunday. I had pain, burning, numbness and tingling on the right side of my back all round to just below my right boob.At first I thought I had an allergy reaction to something I eat.But the itching and scratching intensified. A A red rash begun jana I had chills,fatigue,a constant headache and a general body achiness.I got worried and decided to see a doctor.
I walked to his office and found him on the phone.I did not even take a seat as I knew we were just gonna get over and done with it in a few minutes.He finished his call and we started talking,he happens to be a friend so we had alot to talk about,but I had left my post open so I told him I needed him to check out my back.He did,while keeping a constant chatter,my head was like dude,am shirtless,lets not have any form of conversation till I dress.He asked me for how long I had been itching,to describe the pain etc
I thought he would prescribe me some cream and tell me to keep off proteins or something.But he didn’t,he got all serious and told me to have a seat,the mood went from joking to serious in a span of 26 milliseconds.He started explaining.
“Everyone gets chicken pox when they are young.You cant get it twice,but the same virus that causes it,can attack you when you are older it is called varicella-zoster virus also known as herpes zoster. ”
I kid you not I jumped off my seat like a crazy person.
“HERPES? WHAT?”my eyes were popping out of my face than they would on a Gaddo cartoon!
He told me to calm down and explained that they are three types of herpes and this one was not sexually transmitted,it just occurred because of low immunity,he told me that immunity can be low because of pregnancy.low blood sugar or HIV/AIDS.He started talking to me like I had HIV!!
“Don’t worry,anybody can get it…”
I just smiled,I told him I was clear,he asked me when I took my last test I told him I have never had to take one,he insisted that I had to take one to be sure.
I agreed to take it,the lady at the vct jumped on my bones like a joke.
“How many sexual partners do you have?Do you use protection?”
I wanted to laugh.I just told her that I did not need counselling,I just needed the darn test.She told me that to make sure I never go they again she would show me how to put on a condom,lets just say am scared for life!!
I got my results,went and got a blood sugar test and all was clear.He finally prescribed me some medicine.But I kid you not,that was no laughing matter.If you work where I work and see and touch the things I touch everyday,you would have trouble controlling your bladder if you heard what I heard.Its a very dangerous environment where you are exposed to all sorts of you know what.
Have you ever had such a scare?Share your story!

The Lift

I literally had to roll up my sleeves to start writing this post.I have been very lazy,I have had very pleasant experiences to write about,and I do mean really pleasant.But that can wait.I gotta tell you about the lift.

I happen to work with my childhood best friend and cousin.She is still my very good friend,my number one cheer leader but the mother of all dumb ideas.She thinks i spend my money recklessly. Therefore she has appointed herself to always point me in any direction that will make me save money.She calls me out if I try to buy anything that exceeds five hundred bob,it doesn’t matter if its an LCD 42 inch t.v set!That is expensive!The other day,as we were coming from work we met with a guy selling bed sheets,four pieces for a thousand bob,I kid you not,she hustled him till he agreed to sell them to me at four hundred bob.She does not believe in walking in a supermarket to buy a fridge or a cooker or anything for that matter,she always know of a guy who will offer her the same package for less.That is Suzy for you,am not ashamed to say that even though I have gone through more crap than her,she is more street wise than me.

With all of her street smartness,she sometimes makes me do some dumb things.Like the other day,she had a “brilliant plan” that would save us two hundred bob every day for a week.All we needed to do was wait for this guy who has a car and is from our hood and hitch a ride with him,he is a doctor,so we had to wait for him to finish his shift.I hate looking like a beggar,so I was not feeling this idea.She convinced me though,she told me that unlike matatus this ride was gonna be express meaning we would get home in half the time,we would not have to pay fare and plus we would listen to our choice of music on our way home.I agreed albeit half halfheartedly.

Day one,we get to the car,I take the back seat,she takes the passenger one.She and the owner of the ride have known each other longer so they have storos,I sit quietly and start replying to texts.The music I was promised is a bongo flava dj mix,also right.This guy is a terrible driver,he cant see anything beyond his wind shield,so the drive is marked with crazy and instant brakes,  *thank God for seat belts*  hooting and some obscenities being hurled at fellow motorist.This guy is from Meru so his blood has the tendency of boiling faster and getting hotter than Hell’s kitchen.When we are almost getting home,he stops the car and tells us that our lift ends there,we have to take a jav to complete our journey.I am like,ehh  I know you gave us this lift out of the goodness of your heart but this is no way to show kindness,please get us home.He is not having it,his Meru roots are never far from him,I see him about to lose his patience,I open the door angrily and step out. Suzy thanks him.Am still mad,am still making noise at his queer  behavior,she tells me t shut up,his wife does not allow him to carry any ladies in the car,*you are allowed to laugh*.Okay I am not even gonna go in to that.WTFH?

Day two,I refuse to get the damn lift that leaves you two stops away. Suzy reasons with me,she tells me to save that money for some shoe,she tells me a load of crap about saving and all.I give in*yeah,am stupid,I know.*.We get in the car and the guy is in a really sour mood he is not even talking.He switches off his awful music and we ride in silence.We set on lone road that is a shortcut to the high way.The car starts sputtering nosily and all sorts of red lights are going off on the dash board,his tank is empty.Damn!We are at least 25 blocks form the next fuel station and the road we are in isn’t exactly safe.He asks us to get out and help push the damn car.In our heels,we do so.I am so pissed off,I start doing some mental math,had I taken a mat,I would be at home,I would have showered,and now i’d be getting ready for Tujuane!.We push and push for five minutes,we are still far from the highway At this point I am convinced we are gonna sleep there.Mind you,very few cars use this road and there are no mats. Kwisha. Fortunately,a boda boda guy passes by,we stop him and after a quick meeting we agree to have Suzy go with him and get fuel.Meru guy asks us to changa for the fuel he says he does not have enough cash on him.We changa a thousand and decide she gets fuel for seven hundred bob and pays the motorcycle guy with the rest *knowing her,she probably hustled him and ended up paying even lesser*.We get in the car and wait for her,I decide to engage the guy in conversation but apparently guys cant multitask,he is busy texting,We wait for almost  thirty minutes she comes back and we resume with our journey its now almost 8.30 pm am bored and tired I just wanna get home and watch Tujuane.Can you imagine how furious I am when he stops the car two stops away and asks us to take a jav to complete our journey?!I was livid!Didn’t i just help push this car?The fuel?I just gave out my fare for two days!

We got home,I was still mad,I was done with lifts!

Day three,at the gate,as we are waiting for a jav,the car pulls out of the gate!I totally ignore it,but the guy stops to say hi to Suzy he tells her to get in,he calls me,he does not even know my name,he calls me Rahab!Really?He tells me to get in.he says he will drop us home.The wife is out of town,silly dumb me agrees to get in.There is a lady holding a baby waiting for a mat too,she asks for a lift too.She joins me at the back,She had come to the hospital to seek treatment for her baby.She forgot to come with a different set of clothes for the baby so the baby is grossly covered in her own puke,the smell is nauseating!I love babies but that particular baby almost has me changing my mind,I can’t open the window coz of the wind blowing on to the sick baby! The baby decides she hates life and starts wailing,she does not want to be breastfed,she just wants to cry!!Who does that?

That was the last time I was gonna ever accept a lift!