#ICANT

Several of my girlfriends and I recently watched The Girl Code an American reality comedy series on MTV  that features female actresses,singers and stand up comics-plus a few guys-who discuss the sister hood that women share,*I strongly recommend it*,anyway,in it is a segment where the ladies discuss things or annoying habits that get on their nerves they call them#Icant.Here are mine;

1.My #ICANTS obviously are starred by things people do in public transportation.Top on that list is that mama with six kids but pays for one seat but happily shoves three ill mannered kids on my lap totally ignoring basic courtesy rules of asking first if am okay with that, and as if that is not enough she repeatedly glares at me when i ask the kids to stop stepping on my shoes!Unacceptable.

2.My number two is that weirdo who sits next to me in the jav,and cannot get his eyes off my phone,I have been tempted several times to ask them if there is something i should have added to the text i just sent out!#ICANT.

3.That conductor who asks for my fare two milliseconds after i board the mat,chill boo ain’t nobody going nowhere with your 30 bob!

4.That lame person who sits near the door in the mat but when I am trying to alight they want to move their legs because they don’t want to get off,well you better get out and make way for me or it will be my foot in you face,literally!

5.Next on my #ICANTS is long queues,my goodness!Where do I even  begin?Well first of all don’t stand so near me that i can feel your business going on down there because newsflash,plastering yourself on my back and breathing down my neck will not make the queue move up faster.

6.If you know what is best for you don’t cut the line I mean really? The rest of us have been patiently queuing here,our backs hurt,our phones battery is at 37%,we are in a hurry too,but we took our time and queued anyway so shut up honey and take your place,huko nyuma kabisa,because #icant.

7.Still on queues what about me says cut through me to get to the other side?What about me screams “push me,shove me,pull out my earphones nd while you are at it and step on me?” Honey,walk to the end of the queue take a right turn and go where you want!#icant!

8.Still on queues what is so urgent that you had to answer that call?I have been queuing for three straight long hours and when i get there is when you have to ask that chic you met in the matatu three days ago if she will be your date to your cousin’s pre-wedding party?I mean you could not wait to call your house help later and ask how baby is doing? Or if baba Jimmy left money for milk?Really lady?Just give me the service i require and sort out your domez when am satisfied and hopefully in my house!

9.My final two,you call me sixteen times back to back, i cannot answer the call because am praying,or charging my phone,or I did not hear it ringing, then two minutes later i call you back and you are mteja?No,i just cant!

10.I really hate math,honestly I do so when I am filing out something for you and ask you your age,don’t tell me ulizaliwa 1975 do your own damn math and tell me how old you are!And if i am buying something don’t ask me kama niko na thirty unipee mia,in my brain,you are robbing me in broad day light!just do your math and don’t short change me,coz i just cant!

*A sequel is coming right up because this ain’t over!*

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19 thoughts on “#ICANT

  1. I feel you. Especially with the queues. I have bad luck with queues, even in a traffic jam, the traffic is always cut out when I am only two cars away from the light. But this one beat me hands down:

    The other day, I was shopping, and a smiling very pregnant woman asked me to hold her ?one year old kid?!!! I was only one shopper from the till, and the queue behind me was like 10 pple long! No sooner had I taken the kid into my arms than she proceeded to push two large carts into the queue ahead of my smaller cart. Smiling shamelessly. Her shopping was so massive it took forever to pack. I finished shopping still holding the baby, then she asked me help her with the baby to the car. Aich. I dumped the baby on the bagger and took off.

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