#ICANT

Several of my girlfriends and I recently watched The Girl Code an American reality comedy series on MTV  that features female actresses,singers and stand up comics-plus a few guys-who discuss the sister hood that women share,*I strongly recommend it*,anyway,in it is a segment where the ladies discuss things or annoying habits that get on their nerves they call them#Icant.Here are mine;

1.My #ICANTS obviously are starred by things people do in public transportation.Top on that list is that mama with six kids but pays for one seat but happily shoves three ill mannered kids on my lap totally ignoring basic courtesy rules of asking first if am okay with that, and as if that is not enough she repeatedly glares at me when i ask the kids to stop stepping on my shoes!Unacceptable.

2.My number two is that weirdo who sits next to me in the jav,and cannot get his eyes off my phone,I have been tempted several times to ask them if there is something i should have added to the text i just sent out!#ICANT.

3.That conductor who asks for my fare two milliseconds after i board the mat,chill boo ain’t nobody going nowhere with your 30 bob!

4.That lame person who sits near the door in the mat but when I am trying to alight they want to move their legs because they don’t want to get off,well you better get out and make way for me or it will be my foot in you face,literally!

5.Next on my #ICANTS is long queues,my goodness!Where do I even ┬ábegin?Well first of all don’t stand so near me that i can feel your business going on down there because newsflash,plastering yourself on my back and breathing down my neck will not make the queue move up faster.

6.If you know what is best for you don’t cut the line I mean really? The rest of us have been patiently queuing here,our backs hurt,our phones battery is at 37%,we are in a hurry too,but we took our time and queued anyway so shut up honey and take your place,huko nyuma kabisa,because #icant.

7.Still on queues what about me says cut through me to get to the other side?What about me screams “push me,shove me,pull out my earphones nd while you are at it and step on me?” Honey,walk to the end of the queue take a right turn and go where you want!#icant!

8.Still on queues what is so urgent that you had to answer that call?I have been queuing for three straight long hours and when i get there is when you have to ask that chic you met in the matatu three days ago if she will be your date to your cousin’s pre-wedding party?I mean you could not wait to call your house help later and ask how baby is doing? Or if baba Jimmy left money for milk?Really lady?Just give me the service i require and sort out your domez when am satisfied and hopefully in my house!

9.My final two,you call me sixteen times back to back, i cannot answer the call because am praying,or charging my phone,or I did not hear it ringing, then two minutes later i call you back and you are mteja?No,i just cant!

10.I really hate math,honestly I do so when I am filing out something for you and ask you your age,don’t tell me ulizaliwa 1975 do your own damn math and tell me how old you are!And if i am buying something don’t ask me kama niko na thirty unipee mia,in my brain,you are robbing me in broad day light!just do your math and don’t short change me,coz i just cant!

*A sequel is coming right up because this ain’t over!*

Matters Of The Heart…and more

Have you ever been going somewhere walking,minding you own business thinking of your mothers mukimo or chapos,whistling to your favorite song,while smiling at your self,then you saw something that stopped you on your tracks and caught your attention?Did you realize you shouldn’t be stopping and went on your way?Did whatever you saw remain in your mind for long?Did you think about it before you switched off the lights that night?.Was it the first thing you thought of when you woke up the following morning?Only if you really liked or hated what you saw would it be with you like that.

I saw  something that has decided to make my heart its abode.I have tried to sweep it out,but at night when sleep fails me it comes back and sits on the couch in my heart and decides to watch t.v.When i wake up,it makes itself breakfast in my poor  heart and stays there all day.Its leechy and stubborn.I often think it is sojourning to some place else,and wait for it to bid me farewell and move out leaving me a thank you note for letting it stay in my heart but it just wont go.

The visitor is a feeling.It has been living with me for months now.Its is a beautiful calming feeling.If it was a car it would be a white range rover evoque,its power train would be a 2.0-liter, direct-injection turbo four from Ford that would send 240 horsepower to the wheels via a six-speed automatic.*don’t worry,i googled that,impressive huh?* This feeling is breathtaking,it makes me light headed.It makes me think of crazy things*like baby names*.It makes me listen to mushy slow songs.It makes me want to be a better person.Its confusing too,it makes my future uncertain for a bit,it  makes me vulnerable,it makes me feel like a sissy.I love to hate it,but i cant.It has taken my appetite for food and replaced it with pictures of white lilies.It has held me in captivity becoming a frenemy.

If one would choose where to place their feelings,id take out this one,put it a box lock it and throw away the key.Because as beautiful as it is, its beauty can only be  fully realized when it is shared between two people.You know if the other party reciprocated this feeling id probably screw things up,therefore,I am not letting it out,ill let  it continue to make me giddy,to make me tear up when i listen to Air supply out of love,to make me smile when am alone,to re-read texts the following day over analyzing them,trying to decipher if there is even a tiny bit of something from the other party.

P/s i do realize how all of this sounds-wimpy,emo  vague and all but that had to get out.